A New Language to Emerge in Europe

[Keith Broaders]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will

be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the

other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling

had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would

become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants

jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up

konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome

"ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the

stage here more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a

deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it

should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"

with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after

ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze

drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.